I wish I could teleport
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize