I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
