You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
