Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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