im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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