"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
