Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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