I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
