So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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