When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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