And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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