just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
