its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The air was thick with penises
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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