ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
