honey bunches of taint.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
