when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
