i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
