They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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