It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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