Who wears a wallet chain?!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you made out with another girl for some wings
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
