just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
