You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
