She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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