o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
