I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
