the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
