Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
