she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
