woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
