can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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