How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
