she smelled like a LAN party
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
