Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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