I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Everclear isn't food dammit
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
