Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize