remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
is wine microwaveable?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
