I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
