I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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