you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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