Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
