last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
