I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize