wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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