My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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