the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
