just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
