At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
