That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
