Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
