mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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