You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
