were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
