I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
