I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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