How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
there is glitter all over my balls
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