You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
