i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
