And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
