4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
