he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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