yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
