No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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