I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
