ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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