This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
