I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
