her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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